I am what I am… but what am I?
Today, on the 22nd July 2015, I turn 23 years young; I am a little sad as Taylor Swift’s 22 is no longer relevant to me. I am however ever happy to see the back of year 22, as it was not a year of smooth sailing, it was a year of change that pushed me more than ever to look internally and reflect on who I am.
Recently, on my morning commute to work I started to reflect on how we label and box ourselves in. Take for example the simple question, that we ask everyone new we meet, ‘what do you do?’. By this question we are referring to one another’s occupations, however when we answer this question we form a different idea, ‘I am a….’. We are asked what we do, and in how we respond we begin to subconsciously label and define what and who we are. This frustrated me as I thought about it, as it has been something that I have struggled with and fought against over the last 12 months; even though I really enjoy most aspects of my job, it is not the definition of who I am, nor do I want it to be. There are so many parts of my ‘self’ that have been brushed aside in the years that I was in university and especially so in the first year of my job, but this year those parts of who I am have fought to get out.
I have went through a lot of changes in the last 12 months, some personal choice, others circumstantial necessity. I am not good with change, even changes I choose myself; so when life forces me to change I tend to panic and over think everything I do. I have been doing a lot of thinking and through reflection and meditation I have found a determination that I didn’t know I had. Practising yoga has helped me focus my mind and train my body to change and flex in ways I didn’t think I could.
So how has this effected the rest of my life? I now know, after surviving everything that has been thrown at me in the past 12 months, that I am capable of change. I understand that change is necessary in order to become the best version of myself that I can be. I have seen with determination and practice, through yoga, that I can change myself to do things and achieve things that I want. There is a new fire of determination burning inside me, pushing me to do new things, like for example this blog. I go to work, Monday to Friday, I do my job and I leave it there; I try to not bring the work or the emotions associated with it, home with me. I fill my free time with the things that make me happy, like yoga, photography, baking and of course shopping!
Over the next 12 months I want to continue to practice yoga and push myself physically to change and learn how my body works and what it’s truly capable of. I hope that this will bleed into the rest of my life, with the main question being what am I capable of? Of course, until we force ourselves to jump into the unknown, take on new challenges or try new things, we will never know what we are truly capable of. In the next 12 months I want to focus less on what I can’t do or I don’t have, and more on what I can do to get what I do want and live how I want to.
Featured outfit details here.